A closed door...

For those that do not know, the door to our adoption of Noel E. closed while we were in Ethiopia last week. While it is sad and difficult to share the details of this occurrence, we find peace in simply saying that God was in the details. The "why" questions don't make sense, and do not bring peace or understanding- only He can do that. He is truly sovereign, and His providence over this cannot be overlooked. We truly rest on His faith, knowing for certain that He has a perfect plan for our lives. We also rest peacefully on the fact that she is also His, and His plan for her is perfect, as well. She is so beautiful. What a blessing it was to have held her, if only for a little while.

We are postured in prayer right now over His revelation of the next door. We are finding comfort in one another, in our family, and in Him as we wait for Him to speak to our hearts. Our agency has been wonderful, walking with us through this darkness. In no way do we hold them responsible, and fully trust their ability to advocate for the orphans in their care.

The thing about closed doors- It is all God. We should never be confused or questioning about the fact that it is God who opens and closes the doors in our life. Revelation 2 shares: "What He opens, no one can shut, and what He shuts, no one can open." Therefore, I am fully convinced. I am required to understand that it is with loving care that He closes doors, and- I am required to thank Him for the closure of those doors. Tough. Stuff. Because you know what comes next- the "why" questions...

God closes doors to get our attention. Sometimes, we are moving along, living life in the way we thought He desired, and we are failing to look at new opportunities or blessings He has for us. All of a sudden- a tightly closed door gets our attention. No matter how hard we try to open the door, we cannot, because He wants us to move forward. The thing is- its scary to move forward. But God promises that it is going to be exciting. And good.

Closed doors are also an incentive to pray more. Do closed doors draw you closer to Him? Yep. They drag you to an undeniable place of desperation and emptiness; a brick wall of helplessness. Suddenly- you are acutely aware of how much that open door meant to you in the first place (maybe you were forgetting that a little while the door was open in the first place). Maybe we find ourselves crying out, "My God, My God, why have You forsaken me?" There is no answer, yet we eventually come to a place where we know we are heard- His peace settles in, and we eagerly await what He is preparing for us beyond the darkness. Oh, but the darkness. It is a lonely, scary place. Painful- Need. More. Prayer. Closed doors grip your heart with the need for force in prayer like you have never known.

Closed doors also prevent us from trusting in man alone. The help of man cannot be sufficient behind a door that God has closed. The promises of man will let you down as you stand before that closed door. No doubt. And here, we feel alone. Yet, someone stands alongside, waiting on you to remember He is there. Many times He knocks at your heart, yet you do not answer, but He waits. Eventually you will answer His knock - He alone holds the key to the next door. Not man. Not you. Only God.

Closed doors make us await God's time. In our own wisdom- our timing is perfect. But God's timing is not always our timing. God closes doors to cause us to wait for HIS perfect timing. He prepares circumstances, he prepares hearts. If we step before His time, we will be unready to experience all He has prepared for us.

God also knows what we need to handle the tasks and blessings He is preparing for us when He opens the next door. The time in the darkness prepares us for the opening of the door. We are being molded and shaped to meet His destiny for us. How thankful we must be that He is preparing us to receive His blessings.

When the door finally opens, we have to proclaim, above our doubts and our fears, that God alone opens and keeps open the doors to our lives. What God opens, no one can shut.

(-derived from everlasting love, closed doors are a blessing.)

So- here we sit behind a closed door. We must pray for God to prepare our hearts for what He has in store for us in the future, proclaiming His greatness in the darkness of the hallway between the doors. God alone is our locksmith.

We so appreciate everyone's prayers and well-wishes for us on this adoption journey. We covet your continued prayers as we seek God's guidance regarding the "next door" in our life's hallway. Above all, we desire to bring glory to Him and live in faithful obedience to His plan for our lives.

Blessings- Kindra

And we're off!!!

The day has finally come...we are headed to Ethiopia! 3 totes, 3 suitcases, and 2 backbacks worth of packing later, we are off!!

We are looking forward to sharing this journey with all of you! Next time we talk...we will have met our daughter!!!

"A Psalm of David: I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders." Psalm 9:1

Blessings! Kindra
7 month old Noel E @ HH

A shower of blessings

This...








Turned into this...
















Which turned into ALL THIS!








































We truly had a shower of blessings for Hannah's Hope this past weekend at church! I have such a wonderful family in Christ who are so supportive of us and this process! Because of our family and our church family, we are taking 200+ pounds of donations for the orphanage, and will be able to take more next trip!

I never cease to be amazed by the love and generosity of people around us. We feel comforted and supported by their prayers and well-wishes. There are so many people anticipating the arrival of this little girl!

"Then He said to them, 'Whoever welcomes this little child in My name welcomes Me; and whoever welcomes me welcomes the One who sent Me. For he who is least among you all- he is the greatest.'" Luke 9:48

Blessings- Kindra
7 month old Noel E. @ HH

"Thank you"...the two hardest words I have ever said...

I think that saying "Thank You" to E's birth mom may rank up there with one of the hardest things I have ever done. How, exactly, do you say thank you for a gift like this? A Hallmark gold crown just simply does not cover it.

As part of the process with our agency, we are encouraged to sit and write a letter to the birth family, as well as create a photo album of the child and your family as a forever "thank you" memorial. Wow. I have to admit that I have been procrastinating at this process for several weeks, feeling overwhelmed by the idea and the inadequacy of any words that I could possibly use. If you are one of my professors, you know that word count on my papers is NEVER a problem- ask me to write a 20-30 page exegesis on a prophetic book and I am there, but this one page letter has had me quivering in my boots. Never in a million years could I say all that I need to say about the gift this woman has given to our family through our Heavenly Father.

Yet today, I sat down and asked God to give me the words He wanted her to read. I typed and erased. Brandon read and re-read, offering new words and new Scriptures. Somehow, we have a finished product, but my heart does not feel satisfied. There is more- more that I want her to know, more that I want her to experience, more love that I want to share with this woman I have never met. I could write her letters forever and may never grow tired of those two words...thank you.

God, may you use the words on the page and allow them to grow into a testimony of Your love for E's birth mom. May she know without a doubt that she is loved by You, and will never be forsaken. May she have a personal relationship with Your Son. May she know that with You, nothing will be impossible for her. May she know that her sacrifice will be honored, and that her daughter is nothing short of loved and safe- in Your arms and in ours.

Blessings- Kindra

7 month old Noel E. @ HH

17 days...

It seems surreal...17 days until we hold our daughter for the first time. 17 days. We have been on this journey officially for 461 day so far, and many more days of prayer and discussion before that, and we will meet our daughter in 17 days.

Actually, the whole thing seems surreal. We cannot believe we have a daughter. We have seen a dozen pictures of her, memorized them, even. We have seen documents bearing information about her life, filled with so many struggles already. We have imagined her for hours at a time- her smell, her smile, her sounds, her skin, the softness of her curls...yet none have we experienced yet. 17 DAYS and these things will have a REAL memory, a time stamp embedded permanently on our hearts! NO LONGER A FIGMENT OF OUR WILDEST DREAMS!

Our house has been so quiet the past few weeks, and our hearts are still full of pain and sorrow and longing for Gracie. We still have trouble believing she is gone. She will always be our "first". Yet, we are so blessed. Our God deserves our praises and our thanksgiving, even in the midst of a most painful loss, a most painful wait, and a most quiet home...He alone deserves our highest praise.

In Him we will be sustained the next 17 days. In Him we will be able to walk away without her from Hannah's Hope on the 19th. In Him we will be able to live without her until the government says that we can bring her home forever. FOREVER. In the end, the 500+ days of our journey to her will be gobbled up by the rest of our lives. He alone deserves our highest praise.

17 days, little girl. Mommy and Daddy are coming to meet you. 17 days (and counting!)


Blessings, Kindra
7 month old Noel E. @ HH

7 months...

Our beautiful curly-girl is 7 months old today! It has been 2 months since her face has been etched on our hearts. We love you sweet girl...only 32 more days until you are in our arms! Don't get TOO big!! Tight hugs and sloppy kisses!












"May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in You." Psalms 33:22


Blessings- Kindra
7 month old Noel E. @ HH

Deep Breath...

I realize that I have been largely absent from blog land lately. Life has taken over the engine of my train, and I am finally getting back behind the ?wheel. Bad analogy. Anyway...

I finally finished the quarter Friday, and realized that since it began in September, life has dramatically changed. Some good, some not so good...

Since fall classes started:

1) Our home was in a state of disaster. We were having our floors refinished, and were living out of the basement. Thankfully, the mountain of dust is slowly disappearing, our furniture is where it is supposed to be, and that PROJECT IS COMPLETED!

2) WE HAD A DAUGHTER! Our beautiful 5, now almost 7 month old girl...huge brown eyes and soft curls. Now, THAT WAS A SUPRISE! (We thought for sure we were going to have a boy!)

3) Brandon and I each got a year older :) GOTTA LOVE BIRTHDAYS!

4) I went to Minnesota for 2 weeks for school. It is always hard being away from my family, but I LOVE MY COHORT L FRIENDS!

5) We received court dates and made travel arrangements so we can finally get our Noel E. in our arms. January 16th, 2011 will be the first time we kiss those cheeks. 35 MORE DAYS! YEAH FOR KISSES!

6) We had a wonderful Thanksgiving with family. WE ARE SO THANKFUL FOR THE PEOPLE IN OUR LIVES THAT LOVE US.

7) Our precious Gracie girl died. She was our first born daughter. She was with us when we didn't know if children were in our future. She received all of our kisses and loves. She taught us about unconditional love. Our schedules, our lives, revolved around her. Our world feels empty, and home is not home without her. She can never be replaced. Never take one second for granted. NEVER.

8) Somehow I finished school. Somehow I actually completed all the assignments that were due this quarter. Somehow. GOD. ALL GOD. NO ME. GOD.

So, I'd say things have been a little emotional this quarter. No wonder it has seemed like the longest 10 weeks of my life. It is definately time for a deep breath...

Little girl...we are coming soon. God's grace will see us both through. We love you precious one.

"But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them, yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me." 1 Corinthians 15:10

Blessings- Kindra

A Thankful Heart...

We have so many things to be thankful for this Thanksgiving season. God has showered us with a richness of blessings, and He alone deserves our Highest Praise!

Lord, you are an amazing, awesome, wonderful, merciful, tender, loving, forgiving, all-knowing God. Your love and mercies are new each morning. Through each day, You walk beside us, holding our hands and guiding our path. With each misstep, You are slow to anger and quick to forgive. With each doubt and anxiety, You hold us a little tighter, reminding us that everything is in Your hands. You know every tear that falls, You hear us when we cry. You provide for our every need, and offer abundant blessings far beyond those basic needs. You provide us with our health, with family, friends, a church. You give us the opportunity to serve You, to share Your love and Your Word with others. You give us the opportunity to worship and praise Your name freely, and without persecution. You give us the opportunity to be Your children and to know You intimately.

Lord, today and always I have a thankful heart.

Blessings-Kindra

6 month old Noel E. @ HH

6 months...

Baby Noel E. turned 6 months old yesterday @ Hannah's Hope. Oh, how I pray she was showered in love, hugs, kisses, snuggles, and smiles. I know many prayers were said for her here, and many kisses were sent by way of the wind.

We love you, sweet girl. Mommy and Daddy love you so much, and we cannot wait to hold you and give you those kisses in person! 61 more days, love. 61 more days.

Blessings- Kindra

6 month old Noel E. @ HH

Court dates...

This was me today. (Except I have dark, short, spiky hair and bigger thighs.) In the beginning of the day, I was having a temper tantrum because we had not heard court dates yet. In the second half of the day, I was having a temper tantrum because I wanted the court date we did get to be SOONER!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

We learned today that we will tentatively travel to Ethiopia January 15-19, 2011. Our daughter will be in our arms for the first time on the 16th, and we go to court on the 18th. These next 10 weeks could not possibly go by fast enough!

In the meantime, I am begging any adoptive parents traveling before us to get us a little glimpse of our growing girl. We miss you sweet pea...we are saving up our lovin's for you (and sending plenty by the way of the wind!) Our Father's love is surrounding us both! He is faithful and will bring us together very soon!

"Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies." Psalm 36:5

Blessings, Kindra
5 month old Noel E. @ HH

Heartbreak...

Oh, how our hearts long for her. To hold her. To kiss her sweet cheeks. To stroke her soft curls. To look into her big, dark eyes. To comfort her cries. To initiate her smiles. To laugh when she laughs. To feed her when she is hungry. To snuggle her when she sleeps. To celebrate her milestones. To see God's love in her. My heart is broken for her.

I have never known this kind of longing. This is how our Father longs for us. He wants us to be an active part of His family. To hold us. To comfort our cries. To feed us when we are hungry. To celebrate our milestones. To see His love as a beacon of light through us toward others. His heart is broken for us.

Are you an active part of God's family? Have you asked Him to be the Father of your life? He longs to have that relationship with you, and longs for you to be in His warm, loving arms forever.

And just as He wants to be with me, I want be with her. Oh, Lord, please make it soon.

"Cause I just wanna be with you. I just want this waiting to be over. I just want to be with you, and it helps to know the days getting closer.

Every minute takes an hour, every inch feels like a mile, til I won't have to imagine, and I finally get to see you smile." Chris Rice, Smile.

Blessings, Kindra.

Mom to Noel E., 5 months old @ HH

This is your child...follow me.

We have had such a whirlwind of a week! We have been through so many emotions and stages of grief and joy... In so many ways this experience has been so humbling and requires such a deep faith and trust in the Father. I was sitting in class at the beginning of the week attempting to concentrate through my emotions, anxiety, fears, excitedness, and longing. I turned to look at the wall to my right, and Luke 9:23 was staring at me, "Take up thy cross and follow Me." Yet, somehow, I read "This is your child, follow Me." Although I had not known it before that moment, it was the first time I accepted, Noel E. as my daughter. God ordained her into our lives. He chose US to be her parents. The reality was overwhelming. Over the week before, I had been grieving her life, her relinquishment, the heart of her birth mother, the time that I have/am missing with her, and through that grief I had somehow missed accepting that this child was given to us from our loving God. She is exactly what He designed for our family. So, we move into a painful wait...

We have completed our referral packet, sent it in, and have had our "next steps" phone call. Now, we wait. Seriously, we wait again. But now the wait has a face, a heart, needs, desire for her forever family, pain, longing...and so much more. We just want to hold her! We want to look in those big brown eyes! We want her to know that she has a family!

So next...our court date. We are praying boldly for our court case to be opened very quickly, and for travel to be just as quick! Please, pray with us to bring Noel E. home.


Blessings- Kindra

A Baby Girl!!!

It is hard to believe that we actually heard the words, "I have a little girl that I want to talk to you about." God certainly rocked our world this week!


We thought all along a little guy would be joining our home. From the beginning, the discrepancies in the boy and girl list had been so wide that we just didn't think a girl was possible. (With God, all things are possible!) All the waiting and delays- all part of His story for our lives, her story as our daughter.

It was almost time for school fall intensives, and Brandon and I had been praying that we could just get the call before I left. Being 9 hours away from one another after waiting more than a year for "the call" was not an idea that we wanted to entertain! Monday came and went...no call. Tuesday, I had agreed to work, but like a bad employee left my cell phone in my scrub pocket "just in case"! The staff and physicians all knew if "Baby Love" started singing from my pocket to expect screaming!

After lunch, I had a baby on the scale when my normal "Mizzou Fightsong" ringtone started sounding. (Go Tigers!) I silenced it and apologized to the mom I was with, thinking nothing of it. I finished my assessment and checked my messages when I was done. IT WAS "B", saying "Kindra, if you have a minute, can you give me a call. I have something I need to discuss with you." AHHH! What! But there was no "Baby Love"! As it turns out, "K" was sick that day, and "B" was calling for her.

I ran, shaking (trembling, really) into the back offices. My friend of 11+ years, Jill, saw the look on my face and started screaming. I redialed the phone, praying that "B" would answer, and she did. Then the famous words..."I have a little GIRL I want to talk to you about." DID YOU SAY GIRL? Jill heard "girl" before it really set in and started screaming and jumping up and down again, alerting my pediatrician (with whom I have worked the past 11+ years) that something was up behind that closed door! She saw the smiles on both of our faces and joined the fun...

Brandon was 5 hours away at one of our facilities, in a board meeting none the less. I had not even asked "B" how old she was, knowing that Bran would want to hear all the details. I called his cell- no answer. I texted- nothing. I finally resigned to call the facility and telling them to get him out of the meeting, NOW. When he answered, I said, "Your a daddy today! It's a GIRL!" He was so excited, and totally did not believe me. "But we were number 1 on the boy list", he said. Then..."Babe, I have to finish this board meeting before we can take the rest of the call. I am in the middle of my presentation." WHAT!? Ok, I have been waiting the past 13 months for this day. Letting you finish your board meeting will be ok. I will live. Work- probably not going to be very productive, but I will try!


Brandon and I heard about our daughter for the first time Tuesday afternoon, October 19, 2010. She is about 5 months old and is so beautiful. Her story is hers to tell, but Bran and I will be forever grateful that God gave us the opportunity to be a part of it. Since he was out of town, we waited almost 6 more hours to open that email to see her beautiful face. Talk about patience! I couldn't wait to open that email, but we had agreed to do it together, no matter what! In the mean time, we had a great time calling our family and close friends. We hadn't even seen her face for the first time, but we knew without a doubt that this was the child that God had chosen for our family, and she is.

The next days were filled with International pediatrician reviews, paperwork, and stars swirling around my head, I am sure. Now, we wait. We are praying for a court date in the next couple months. It will be the longest time of our lives. We cannot wait to hold her in our arms.

Sorry that we cannot share pictures with you. They cannot be posted until she is legally ours and we are home with her. If you see me in person, I would love to share!

Please continue to pray for our daughter, her health and happiness. Pray for her Ethiopian mama. Pray for the special mothers loving her at Hannah's Hope tonight. Pray for the hearts of this mommy and daddy who ache with a need for her to be with us.

We are overjoyed, baby girl. There are so many people waiting for you to come home. Don't be scared. Feel the breeze on your cheeks- it brings sweet kisses from your mommy and daddy.

"You have granted him the desire of his heart and have not withheld the request of his lips." Psalm 21:2





Blessings- Kindra
Mama to Baby E, 5 mos @ HH

High upon the mountain...and on top of the list!

WOW! We are unofficially number 1 for a baby boy and number 2 for a baby girl. Rejoicing on this mountain God has placed us on today!

We are going to see your face anyday, little one! We are going to be mommy and daddy to the child God hand-picked for OUR family!

I want to build a house up on this mountain!

Lift your hands up and Praise the Lord! Psalm 134:2

Blessings- Kindra

October Baby Update

It is hard to believe that we are into our official wait 9 months already, and still have not seen our babies face(s). We continue to meditate on and trust in God's perfect timing, but each day gets harder and harder in our humanness. We love you Baby York. You and your mommy rest deep in our hearts.

3- Boy

4- Girl

7- Siblings

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

Blessings- Kindra

One Year Later...

Well, we have hit another adoption milestone...I am still trying to decide if it can be considered an "accomplishment" or not. Saturday marked the one year anniversary of our application approval for our adoption. We had certainly been praying long before that for our children, and waiting on God to give us the "green light" at the same time! If you would have asked me then if I thought we would still be waiting to see their faces, I would have said "I certainly hope not!" But now, although I am certainly praying that we do not see another year go by, I rest assured that our Father has seen their faces, and has the perfect date and circumstance established for one of the most memorable days of our life! I excitedly anticipate and dream about that day, and can't wait to share it with you! Until then, let's eat cake. Any one year celebration needs cake, right?

Blessings- Kindra

The Mercy House

A friend sent me a devotion from Kristen Welch today introducing me to The Mercy House...a maternity home in Kenya that provides an alternative for abortion to Kenyan girls and women living on the streets. The Mercy house provides them with nutrition, housing, prenatal care, counseling, Biblical teaching, and job skills.

Check it out...will God stir your heart for the Mercy House?





Blessings, Kindra

Meeting Martha...

Sometimes God places people in your path when you are least expecting it. That happened when He blessed me today @ Dillards...the Estee counter to be exact. I was doing some shopping for my beautiful niece, Tess', birthday when she stopped me. Proudly sporting one of my adoption t's, she stepped in front of me and said "can I read your shirt?" (Here I was thinking she wanted to spray me with something :)

She exclaimed, "Where did you get this! I LOVE IT! This is where I am from- Ethiopia!" (pointing to the place where it would be in the Africa outline)... Oh my goodness. Seriously!? I went on to excitedly explain our adoption, to which she exclaimed, "You NEED me! You need me to teach you some things about my country and to cook for you- breakfast, dinner, holidays! And, I have two teenagers that would LOVE to babysit!" What?! God- you are amazing.

Our conversation continued excitedly for another 10 minutes. Sweet Martha, that is her name, Martha. She gave me her card, added her home phone number and repeatedly said, "Please, please call me!!" I told her that she could not possibly know what a blessing it was for me to meet her today, to which she responded that it equally blessed her. She is a Christian woman, serving as a volunteer in Children's Ministry at her church (just the icing on the cake...) and has been in the United States for 24 years. It is so important for her to keep her culture alive and to teach her children about it as well. The genuineness of this woman's heart was such that only God could have placed her in my path here today. God- I never cease to be amazed by the blessings you give this undeserving girl...

"My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth." Psalm 121:2





Happy Birthday, sweet Tess Noel. You are one of a kind, my love.








Blessings- Kindra

Not your normal nesting...and other life craziness!

Wow...life has been a bit crazy lately, starting with a bad case of "not your normal nesting"! My husband has convinced me that men nest in their own way. I have concluded that a major project that creates MORE chaos and MORE dirt does not fit into the category of "nesting". He is still trying to convince me...

We are having the carpet replaced with wood in our house, and the wood that was already present, refinished. It was a project of necessity, as the floor in our living room was starting to sag and sway and in need of reinforcement. We decided that pre-baby(ies), post-summer was the best time to start it. Then, the time actually came, and here we are! YUCK! We are just thankful that we have the opportunity to get this done, and can't wait until it is!!!!!!!

Because of the craziness of our home, specifically the emptiness of the area where our bed usually goes, the significance of the pile where we normally sit, and the layer of dust you see covering all major surfaces, we had the chance to get away for a couple of days to just be together. (Gracie too!) That was a much needed blessing amongst all this craziness- a few quiet meals with my hubby and a chance to just "be". Gracie LOVED the beach, as usual. She stops to smell (or taste) every piece of seaweed she sees, and loves to chase the birds. It never gets old watching her.

Mostly, this life craziness has been a futile attempt to diminish the discomfort of the wait for our little one(s). We are so excited and anxious to see their face(s) for the first time, and as we get closer, we struggle more with the wait. It was very peaceful to watch the sunrise and know that it is the same sun that is shining down upon our baby(ies) face(s), streaming through the window where they sleep, and kissing their cheek while we cannot. We love you little one(s). We are waiting on our Father to tell us it is time to see you, and until then, He is holding us both!

From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets, the name of the Lord is to be praised. Psalm 113:3

Blessings- Kindra