17 days...

It seems surreal...17 days until we hold our daughter for the first time. 17 days. We have been on this journey officially for 461 day so far, and many more days of prayer and discussion before that, and we will meet our daughter in 17 days.

Actually, the whole thing seems surreal. We cannot believe we have a daughter. We have seen a dozen pictures of her, memorized them, even. We have seen documents bearing information about her life, filled with so many struggles already. We have imagined her for hours at a time- her smell, her smile, her sounds, her skin, the softness of her curls...yet none have we experienced yet. 17 DAYS and these things will have a REAL memory, a time stamp embedded permanently on our hearts! NO LONGER A FIGMENT OF OUR WILDEST DREAMS!

Our house has been so quiet the past few weeks, and our hearts are still full of pain and sorrow and longing for Gracie. We still have trouble believing she is gone. She will always be our "first". Yet, we are so blessed. Our God deserves our praises and our thanksgiving, even in the midst of a most painful loss, a most painful wait, and a most quiet home...He alone deserves our highest praise.

In Him we will be sustained the next 17 days. In Him we will be able to walk away without her from Hannah's Hope on the 19th. In Him we will be able to live without her until the government says that we can bring her home forever. FOREVER. In the end, the 500+ days of our journey to her will be gobbled up by the rest of our lives. He alone deserves our highest praise.

17 days, little girl. Mommy and Daddy are coming to meet you. 17 days (and counting!)


Blessings, Kindra
7 month old Noel E. @ HH

7 months...

Our beautiful curly-girl is 7 months old today! It has been 2 months since her face has been etched on our hearts. We love you sweet girl...only 32 more days until you are in our arms! Don't get TOO big!! Tight hugs and sloppy kisses!












"May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in You." Psalms 33:22


Blessings- Kindra
7 month old Noel E. @ HH

Deep Breath...

I realize that I have been largely absent from blog land lately. Life has taken over the engine of my train, and I am finally getting back behind the ?wheel. Bad analogy. Anyway...

I finally finished the quarter Friday, and realized that since it began in September, life has dramatically changed. Some good, some not so good...

Since fall classes started:

1) Our home was in a state of disaster. We were having our floors refinished, and were living out of the basement. Thankfully, the mountain of dust is slowly disappearing, our furniture is where it is supposed to be, and that PROJECT IS COMPLETED!

2) WE HAD A DAUGHTER! Our beautiful 5, now almost 7 month old girl...huge brown eyes and soft curls. Now, THAT WAS A SUPRISE! (We thought for sure we were going to have a boy!)

3) Brandon and I each got a year older :) GOTTA LOVE BIRTHDAYS!

4) I went to Minnesota for 2 weeks for school. It is always hard being away from my family, but I LOVE MY COHORT L FRIENDS!

5) We received court dates and made travel arrangements so we can finally get our Noel E. in our arms. January 16th, 2011 will be the first time we kiss those cheeks. 35 MORE DAYS! YEAH FOR KISSES!

6) We had a wonderful Thanksgiving with family. WE ARE SO THANKFUL FOR THE PEOPLE IN OUR LIVES THAT LOVE US.

7) Our precious Gracie girl died. She was our first born daughter. She was with us when we didn't know if children were in our future. She received all of our kisses and loves. She taught us about unconditional love. Our schedules, our lives, revolved around her. Our world feels empty, and home is not home without her. She can never be replaced. Never take one second for granted. NEVER.

8) Somehow I finished school. Somehow I actually completed all the assignments that were due this quarter. Somehow. GOD. ALL GOD. NO ME. GOD.

So, I'd say things have been a little emotional this quarter. No wonder it has seemed like the longest 10 weeks of my life. It is definately time for a deep breath...

Little girl...we are coming soon. God's grace will see us both through. We love you precious one.

"But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them, yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me." 1 Corinthians 15:10

Blessings- Kindra

A Thankful Heart...

We have so many things to be thankful for this Thanksgiving season. God has showered us with a richness of blessings, and He alone deserves our Highest Praise!

Lord, you are an amazing, awesome, wonderful, merciful, tender, loving, forgiving, all-knowing God. Your love and mercies are new each morning. Through each day, You walk beside us, holding our hands and guiding our path. With each misstep, You are slow to anger and quick to forgive. With each doubt and anxiety, You hold us a little tighter, reminding us that everything is in Your hands. You know every tear that falls, You hear us when we cry. You provide for our every need, and offer abundant blessings far beyond those basic needs. You provide us with our health, with family, friends, a church. You give us the opportunity to serve You, to share Your love and Your Word with others. You give us the opportunity to worship and praise Your name freely, and without persecution. You give us the opportunity to be Your children and to know You intimately.

Lord, today and always I have a thankful heart.

Blessings-Kindra

6 month old Noel E. @ HH

6 months...

Baby Noel E. turned 6 months old yesterday @ Hannah's Hope. Oh, how I pray she was showered in love, hugs, kisses, snuggles, and smiles. I know many prayers were said for her here, and many kisses were sent by way of the wind.

We love you, sweet girl. Mommy and Daddy love you so much, and we cannot wait to hold you and give you those kisses in person! 61 more days, love. 61 more days.

Blessings- Kindra

6 month old Noel E. @ HH

Court dates...

This was me today. (Except I have dark, short, spiky hair and bigger thighs.) In the beginning of the day, I was having a temper tantrum because we had not heard court dates yet. In the second half of the day, I was having a temper tantrum because I wanted the court date we did get to be SOONER!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

We learned today that we will tentatively travel to Ethiopia January 15-19, 2011. Our daughter will be in our arms for the first time on the 16th, and we go to court on the 18th. These next 10 weeks could not possibly go by fast enough!

In the meantime, I am begging any adoptive parents traveling before us to get us a little glimpse of our growing girl. We miss you sweet pea...we are saving up our lovin's for you (and sending plenty by the way of the wind!) Our Father's love is surrounding us both! He is faithful and will bring us together very soon!

"Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies." Psalm 36:5

Blessings, Kindra
5 month old Noel E. @ HH

Heartbreak...

Oh, how our hearts long for her. To hold her. To kiss her sweet cheeks. To stroke her soft curls. To look into her big, dark eyes. To comfort her cries. To initiate her smiles. To laugh when she laughs. To feed her when she is hungry. To snuggle her when she sleeps. To celebrate her milestones. To see God's love in her. My heart is broken for her.

I have never known this kind of longing. This is how our Father longs for us. He wants us to be an active part of His family. To hold us. To comfort our cries. To feed us when we are hungry. To celebrate our milestones. To see His love as a beacon of light through us toward others. His heart is broken for us.

Are you an active part of God's family? Have you asked Him to be the Father of your life? He longs to have that relationship with you, and longs for you to be in His warm, loving arms forever.

And just as He wants to be with me, I want be with her. Oh, Lord, please make it soon.

"Cause I just wanna be with you. I just want this waiting to be over. I just want to be with you, and it helps to know the days getting closer.

Every minute takes an hour, every inch feels like a mile, til I won't have to imagine, and I finally get to see you smile." Chris Rice, Smile.

Blessings, Kindra.

Mom to Noel E., 5 months old @ HH

This is your child...follow me.

We have had such a whirlwind of a week! We have been through so many emotions and stages of grief and joy... In so many ways this experience has been so humbling and requires such a deep faith and trust in the Father. I was sitting in class at the beginning of the week attempting to concentrate through my emotions, anxiety, fears, excitedness, and longing. I turned to look at the wall to my right, and Luke 9:23 was staring at me, "Take up thy cross and follow Me." Yet, somehow, I read "This is your child, follow Me." Although I had not known it before that moment, it was the first time I accepted, Noel E. as my daughter. God ordained her into our lives. He chose US to be her parents. The reality was overwhelming. Over the week before, I had been grieving her life, her relinquishment, the heart of her birth mother, the time that I have/am missing with her, and through that grief I had somehow missed accepting that this child was given to us from our loving God. She is exactly what He designed for our family. So, we move into a painful wait...

We have completed our referral packet, sent it in, and have had our "next steps" phone call. Now, we wait. Seriously, we wait again. But now the wait has a face, a heart, needs, desire for her forever family, pain, longing...and so much more. We just want to hold her! We want to look in those big brown eyes! We want her to know that she has a family!

So next...our court date. We are praying boldly for our court case to be opened very quickly, and for travel to be just as quick! Please, pray with us to bring Noel E. home.


Blessings- Kindra

A Baby Girl!!!

It is hard to believe that we actually heard the words, "I have a little girl that I want to talk to you about." God certainly rocked our world this week!


We thought all along a little guy would be joining our home. From the beginning, the discrepancies in the boy and girl list had been so wide that we just didn't think a girl was possible. (With God, all things are possible!) All the waiting and delays- all part of His story for our lives, her story as our daughter.

It was almost time for school fall intensives, and Brandon and I had been praying that we could just get the call before I left. Being 9 hours away from one another after waiting more than a year for "the call" was not an idea that we wanted to entertain! Monday came and went...no call. Tuesday, I had agreed to work, but like a bad employee left my cell phone in my scrub pocket "just in case"! The staff and physicians all knew if "Baby Love" started singing from my pocket to expect screaming!

After lunch, I had a baby on the scale when my normal "Mizzou Fightsong" ringtone started sounding. (Go Tigers!) I silenced it and apologized to the mom I was with, thinking nothing of it. I finished my assessment and checked my messages when I was done. IT WAS "B", saying "Kindra, if you have a minute, can you give me a call. I have something I need to discuss with you." AHHH! What! But there was no "Baby Love"! As it turns out, "K" was sick that day, and "B" was calling for her.

I ran, shaking (trembling, really) into the back offices. My friend of 11+ years, Jill, saw the look on my face and started screaming. I redialed the phone, praying that "B" would answer, and she did. Then the famous words..."I have a little GIRL I want to talk to you about." DID YOU SAY GIRL? Jill heard "girl" before it really set in and started screaming and jumping up and down again, alerting my pediatrician (with whom I have worked the past 11+ years) that something was up behind that closed door! She saw the smiles on both of our faces and joined the fun...

Brandon was 5 hours away at one of our facilities, in a board meeting none the less. I had not even asked "B" how old she was, knowing that Bran would want to hear all the details. I called his cell- no answer. I texted- nothing. I finally resigned to call the facility and telling them to get him out of the meeting, NOW. When he answered, I said, "Your a daddy today! It's a GIRL!" He was so excited, and totally did not believe me. "But we were number 1 on the boy list", he said. Then..."Babe, I have to finish this board meeting before we can take the rest of the call. I am in the middle of my presentation." WHAT!? Ok, I have been waiting the past 13 months for this day. Letting you finish your board meeting will be ok. I will live. Work- probably not going to be very productive, but I will try!


Brandon and I heard about our daughter for the first time Tuesday afternoon, October 19, 2010. She is about 5 months old and is so beautiful. Her story is hers to tell, but Bran and I will be forever grateful that God gave us the opportunity to be a part of it. Since he was out of town, we waited almost 6 more hours to open that email to see her beautiful face. Talk about patience! I couldn't wait to open that email, but we had agreed to do it together, no matter what! In the mean time, we had a great time calling our family and close friends. We hadn't even seen her face for the first time, but we knew without a doubt that this was the child that God had chosen for our family, and she is.

The next days were filled with International pediatrician reviews, paperwork, and stars swirling around my head, I am sure. Now, we wait. We are praying for a court date in the next couple months. It will be the longest time of our lives. We cannot wait to hold her in our arms.

Sorry that we cannot share pictures with you. They cannot be posted until she is legally ours and we are home with her. If you see me in person, I would love to share!

Please continue to pray for our daughter, her health and happiness. Pray for her Ethiopian mama. Pray for the special mothers loving her at Hannah's Hope tonight. Pray for the hearts of this mommy and daddy who ache with a need for her to be with us.

We are overjoyed, baby girl. There are so many people waiting for you to come home. Don't be scared. Feel the breeze on your cheeks- it brings sweet kisses from your mommy and daddy.

"You have granted him the desire of his heart and have not withheld the request of his lips." Psalm 21:2





Blessings- Kindra
Mama to Baby E, 5 mos @ HH

High upon the mountain...and on top of the list!

WOW! We are unofficially number 1 for a baby boy and number 2 for a baby girl. Rejoicing on this mountain God has placed us on today!

We are going to see your face anyday, little one! We are going to be mommy and daddy to the child God hand-picked for OUR family!

I want to build a house up on this mountain!

Lift your hands up and Praise the Lord! Psalm 134:2

Blessings- Kindra

October Baby Update

It is hard to believe that we are into our official wait 9 months already, and still have not seen our babies face(s). We continue to meditate on and trust in God's perfect timing, but each day gets harder and harder in our humanness. We love you Baby York. You and your mommy rest deep in our hearts.

3- Boy

4- Girl

7- Siblings

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

Blessings- Kindra

One Year Later...

Well, we have hit another adoption milestone...I am still trying to decide if it can be considered an "accomplishment" or not. Saturday marked the one year anniversary of our application approval for our adoption. We had certainly been praying long before that for our children, and waiting on God to give us the "green light" at the same time! If you would have asked me then if I thought we would still be waiting to see their faces, I would have said "I certainly hope not!" But now, although I am certainly praying that we do not see another year go by, I rest assured that our Father has seen their faces, and has the perfect date and circumstance established for one of the most memorable days of our life! I excitedly anticipate and dream about that day, and can't wait to share it with you! Until then, let's eat cake. Any one year celebration needs cake, right?

Blessings- Kindra

The Mercy House

A friend sent me a devotion from Kristen Welch today introducing me to The Mercy House...a maternity home in Kenya that provides an alternative for abortion to Kenyan girls and women living on the streets. The Mercy house provides them with nutrition, housing, prenatal care, counseling, Biblical teaching, and job skills.

Check it out...will God stir your heart for the Mercy House?





Blessings, Kindra

Meeting Martha...

Sometimes God places people in your path when you are least expecting it. That happened when He blessed me today @ Dillards...the Estee counter to be exact. I was doing some shopping for my beautiful niece, Tess', birthday when she stopped me. Proudly sporting one of my adoption t's, she stepped in front of me and said "can I read your shirt?" (Here I was thinking she wanted to spray me with something :)

She exclaimed, "Where did you get this! I LOVE IT! This is where I am from- Ethiopia!" (pointing to the place where it would be in the Africa outline)... Oh my goodness. Seriously!? I went on to excitedly explain our adoption, to which she exclaimed, "You NEED me! You need me to teach you some things about my country and to cook for you- breakfast, dinner, holidays! And, I have two teenagers that would LOVE to babysit!" What?! God- you are amazing.

Our conversation continued excitedly for another 10 minutes. Sweet Martha, that is her name, Martha. She gave me her card, added her home phone number and repeatedly said, "Please, please call me!!" I told her that she could not possibly know what a blessing it was for me to meet her today, to which she responded that it equally blessed her. She is a Christian woman, serving as a volunteer in Children's Ministry at her church (just the icing on the cake...) and has been in the United States for 24 years. It is so important for her to keep her culture alive and to teach her children about it as well. The genuineness of this woman's heart was such that only God could have placed her in my path here today. God- I never cease to be amazed by the blessings you give this undeserving girl...

"My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth." Psalm 121:2





Happy Birthday, sweet Tess Noel. You are one of a kind, my love.








Blessings- Kindra

Not your normal nesting...and other life craziness!

Wow...life has been a bit crazy lately, starting with a bad case of "not your normal nesting"! My husband has convinced me that men nest in their own way. I have concluded that a major project that creates MORE chaos and MORE dirt does not fit into the category of "nesting". He is still trying to convince me...

We are having the carpet replaced with wood in our house, and the wood that was already present, refinished. It was a project of necessity, as the floor in our living room was starting to sag and sway and in need of reinforcement. We decided that pre-baby(ies), post-summer was the best time to start it. Then, the time actually came, and here we are! YUCK! We are just thankful that we have the opportunity to get this done, and can't wait until it is!!!!!!!

Because of the craziness of our home, specifically the emptiness of the area where our bed usually goes, the significance of the pile where we normally sit, and the layer of dust you see covering all major surfaces, we had the chance to get away for a couple of days to just be together. (Gracie too!) That was a much needed blessing amongst all this craziness- a few quiet meals with my hubby and a chance to just "be". Gracie LOVED the beach, as usual. She stops to smell (or taste) every piece of seaweed she sees, and loves to chase the birds. It never gets old watching her.

Mostly, this life craziness has been a futile attempt to diminish the discomfort of the wait for our little one(s). We are so excited and anxious to see their face(s) for the first time, and as we get closer, we struggle more with the wait. It was very peaceful to watch the sunrise and know that it is the same sun that is shining down upon our baby(ies) face(s), streaming through the window where they sleep, and kissing their cheek while we cannot. We love you little one(s). We are waiting on our Father to tell us it is time to see you, and until then, He is holding us both!

From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets, the name of the Lord is to be praised. Psalm 113:3

Blessings- Kindra

September Update

Well- here they are. New September numbers. We are right where we thought we were on the unofficial list... AND, more importantly, we are right where GOD WANTS US! I am so thankful to lean on Him as I report this update:

4- Boy

6- Siblings

9- Girl

Proverbs 4:6-9 is one of the first places in the Bible that personifies wisdom. It says:

"Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her and she will watch over you. Wisdom is supreme, therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. Esteem her, and she will exalt you; embrace her and she will honor you. She will set a garland of grace on your head and present you with a crown of splendor."

Wisdom is a necessity on this journey to our children, and when we asked for it, He blessed us as He promised in that Scripture. He blessed us with peace that surpasses the understanding we requested, and the patience and trust to make it through each day, and the next, as we wait. Thank you, Lord, for the protection of your wisdom, and the crown of peace we wear as we wait. Thank you for the grace each day we fail to remember Her watchful eye.

Blessings, Kindra

An unrelated (sort of) hurdle!

Today I finished my second full year of graduate seminary! I can officially call myself a THIRD YEAR student. This is soooooooooo exciting. I keep reminding myself that even though seminary is so much work, so difficult at times, I am beyond blessed to be able to study God's Word. If I really think about it, I am blessed to even have a copy of God's Word that I can look at, read. In my language. Without fear of persecution. I have not only heard...I have studied. I have asked questions. I have a personal relationship with the Author.

There are still almost 3 billion unreached people in our world. Almost 7,000 people groups who have not heard the Gospel, or the name of Jesus. Yet God has given me the opportunity to study His Word amongst some of the greatest Biblical scholars in the country. This realization brings a whole new meaning to Luke 12:48: From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.


God, give me the opportunity to use the knowledge you are giving me. Break my heart for the people who do not know you. Oh, and by the way...since I have a month off from these studies you have blessed me with, I have a little more time for that referral now. Thanks! Amen!


Blessings, Kindra

I cleaned out my purse...

The last few weeks, my purse was too heavy and way cluttered to find anything in it- especially God. It was cluttered with worry, anxiety, stress, frustration, anger, pity, uncertainty, busyness...and the list goes on- you know how it works. Like a bad ski slope you can't get off of gracefully, but instead just roll down head over heels. Yet, God rescued me off that slippery slope.

I love my God. He is a BIG, capital B, God, and He offers peace that surpasses all understanding. I am back to peace with this waiting thing. It is not our turn. Our child(ren) is (are) not ready for us, yet. God is still at work. He is writing our story, today is part of it, and it is GOOD.

As I started to look ahead and imagine what He is planning for us, reflecting on His perfect timing, I begin to see that it is better than anything I could possibly construct myself. I see the length of time other people are waiting to meet their children. I see my upcoming school schedule. I see the special time I have ahead with my hubby and little G. I see the joy of my ministry. My view is not clouded by my wants, by my emotions. My faith today is bigger than all that.

So you see, I cleaned out my purse, and it is lighter. There was stuff in there I didn't need and I threw it all in His trash can (at least for today- wink, smile). I recommend that you do the same! We are not in control. Make room for God's plan in your handbag. Find peace in it, embrace it, ask Him to reveal it to you, CLING to it. It will seem like buying a whole new purse. And we ladies know how fun that is!

(Now, if I could just clean out the crud of final exams from my purse, it would be even lighter. But we can't do too much cleaning in one day, right?)



Peace and blessings! Kindra

Heaviness...

Many adoptive parents in various points in "the wait" report feeling a heaviness of sorts, a lack of coping, a specific sadness or anxiety. Although I had been impatient, saddened at times, and constantly prayerful and aware of our child(ren) during this process, I had maintained a degree of peace about the waiting process, and am so thankful...until this week. It hit me like a ton of bricks in a sleepless night this week, and the heaviness has not yet lifted. I find myself wondering what is happening in the life of our little one(s), and wondering if there is suffering in their lives now. I wonder if the weight is, instead, related to the mere closeness/anytime soon nature of our referral, the "stuff" that needs to be done to prepare in the coming weeks and months, the looming decisions that need to be made regarding school and missions over the weeks ahead.... it seems impossible to decipher the difference.

This is not a new feeling for me; it is the same "heaviness" that I have felt in the past during a time when the Lord was calling on me to follow Him, to rely solely on Him, and to trust Him fully; to let go of my plan and adhere to His. Thus I find myself in prayer, seeking His face, seeking His peace and seeking His will. Tears come easily, few understand. Simple reassurances that "it will be here before you know it" do little to remove the elephant from my chest. I long to know His timing, yet I am easily reminded that His word is but a lamp, not a spotlight upon our future.

I received a daily devotion today from a friend who could not have known how desperately I needed its message, a prayer for Faith to surpass my emotions. Its words (paraphrased), by Tracie Miles, are here:

"For you are my God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long." Psalm 25:5b

I spent months working on it, with big expectations and high hopes. The disappointment was becoming so great; it was difficult to process my feelings. Why didn't God answer my prayers? Why had He placed this dream in my heart only to allow it to crumble? I knew I needed to have a good attitude and not give up, but I did not FEEL like doing that at all!

You see, I allowed my feelings to overtake my mind, and let my faith take a backseat. All I could think was how this disappointment made me feel, instead of what God may be doing that my faith could not see. I felt things weren't fair, without remembering God's ways are always best. I felt a longing for immediate results, instead of trusting God's timing as perfect. I soon realized my feelings were getting in the way of my faith. Psalm 25 washed over my spirit.

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul. (v 1)

I felt discouraged, unworthy, hopeless, rejected. So I poured my feelings and my soul out to God. And He listened.

"...in you I trust, O my God. Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me." (v 2)

God reminded me to trust Him, not a desire or a dream. Not the world's view of things. Not my abilities, not my time frame, not my ideas. Just Him. I prayed about my enemies- intangible, feelings like self-doubt, insecurities, frustration and discouragement.

"No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame, but they will be put to shame who are treacherous without excuse." (v 3)

Regardless of whether my desires become reality, I will not be put to shame because God is my God. If His plans coincide with my dreams, I know He will keep His eternal promises.

"Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me." (v 4-5a)

These words stop me in my tracks and I begin to think more rationally. Why have I been beating my head against a wall? Why have I been consumed with anxiety and frustration? Am I allowing God to direct my paths? God gently reminded me that He is the teacher; we are the students.

"...for you are God, my Savior, and my hope is in You all day long." (v 5b)

If I put my hope in my own desires and abilities, I simply set myself up for failure. My only hope for joy and fulfillment comes from Christ alone. Hope can only be found in Him.

Disappointments will always happen. With God, however, we can turn those disappointments into God's appointments to trust Him. The first step is to exercise our faith over our feelings.

"Dear Lord, You know the hurt in my heart and the sting of disappointments I have experienced. Please help me trust You, instead of being consumed by feelings. Empower me with a faith that is stronger than my emotions. In Jesus' Name, AMEN."

Little one(s)- you are so loved. Daddy and I are consumed and we lift up your little life for sanctuary in our Lord.

Blessings- Kindra