Heaviness...

Many adoptive parents in various points in "the wait" report feeling a heaviness of sorts, a lack of coping, a specific sadness or anxiety. Although I had been impatient, saddened at times, and constantly prayerful and aware of our child(ren) during this process, I had maintained a degree of peace about the waiting process, and am so thankful...until this week. It hit me like a ton of bricks in a sleepless night this week, and the heaviness has not yet lifted. I find myself wondering what is happening in the life of our little one(s), and wondering if there is suffering in their lives now. I wonder if the weight is, instead, related to the mere closeness/anytime soon nature of our referral, the "stuff" that needs to be done to prepare in the coming weeks and months, the looming decisions that need to be made regarding school and missions over the weeks ahead.... it seems impossible to decipher the difference.

This is not a new feeling for me; it is the same "heaviness" that I have felt in the past during a time when the Lord was calling on me to follow Him, to rely solely on Him, and to trust Him fully; to let go of my plan and adhere to His. Thus I find myself in prayer, seeking His face, seeking His peace and seeking His will. Tears come easily, few understand. Simple reassurances that "it will be here before you know it" do little to remove the elephant from my chest. I long to know His timing, yet I am easily reminded that His word is but a lamp, not a spotlight upon our future.

I received a daily devotion today from a friend who could not have known how desperately I needed its message, a prayer for Faith to surpass my emotions. Its words (paraphrased), by Tracie Miles, are here:

"For you are my God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long." Psalm 25:5b

I spent months working on it, with big expectations and high hopes. The disappointment was becoming so great; it was difficult to process my feelings. Why didn't God answer my prayers? Why had He placed this dream in my heart only to allow it to crumble? I knew I needed to have a good attitude and not give up, but I did not FEEL like doing that at all!

You see, I allowed my feelings to overtake my mind, and let my faith take a backseat. All I could think was how this disappointment made me feel, instead of what God may be doing that my faith could not see. I felt things weren't fair, without remembering God's ways are always best. I felt a longing for immediate results, instead of trusting God's timing as perfect. I soon realized my feelings were getting in the way of my faith. Psalm 25 washed over my spirit.

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul. (v 1)

I felt discouraged, unworthy, hopeless, rejected. So I poured my feelings and my soul out to God. And He listened.

"...in you I trust, O my God. Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me." (v 2)

God reminded me to trust Him, not a desire or a dream. Not the world's view of things. Not my abilities, not my time frame, not my ideas. Just Him. I prayed about my enemies- intangible, feelings like self-doubt, insecurities, frustration and discouragement.

"No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame, but they will be put to shame who are treacherous without excuse." (v 3)

Regardless of whether my desires become reality, I will not be put to shame because God is my God. If His plans coincide with my dreams, I know He will keep His eternal promises.

"Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me." (v 4-5a)

These words stop me in my tracks and I begin to think more rationally. Why have I been beating my head against a wall? Why have I been consumed with anxiety and frustration? Am I allowing God to direct my paths? God gently reminded me that He is the teacher; we are the students.

"...for you are God, my Savior, and my hope is in You all day long." (v 5b)

If I put my hope in my own desires and abilities, I simply set myself up for failure. My only hope for joy and fulfillment comes from Christ alone. Hope can only be found in Him.

Disappointments will always happen. With God, however, we can turn those disappointments into God's appointments to trust Him. The first step is to exercise our faith over our feelings.

"Dear Lord, You know the hurt in my heart and the sting of disappointments I have experienced. Please help me trust You, instead of being consumed by feelings. Empower me with a faith that is stronger than my emotions. In Jesus' Name, AMEN."

Little one(s)- you are so loved. Daddy and I are consumed and we lift up your little life for sanctuary in our Lord.

Blessings- Kindra

Enjoying my hubby and little G

I have been so inspired lately by some fellow adoptive families, specifically those choosing to live and enjoy life and their families in the midst of their wait. So, I decided to do just that- enjoy my hubby and my little G.

We have been married for almost 12 years, and together for 16. It's just the two of us (except the black doggie who thinks she is our child...and let's face it, she is.) Let's just say life is going to change when the little York(s) arrive in this house. After 16 years of "independence", we are going to go through a little adjustment. Smile. Snicker. Just a little one. Don't get me wrong, we are very excited, and can't wait for that day! But in the mean time, it's still just the three of us.

Which brings me to my point: we are going to live these last weeks in marriage bliss (Ok- maybe a slight exaggeration!) and enjoyable fashion! Late night movies, sunset boat rides, long walks in the park (that is more for Gracie than Brandon), eating quiet meals together, sleep in days, going out with friends, and a mini-vacation. Where to? Not sure yet, but it's on the list!

Little one(s)- we can't wait for you to get here. In fact, the wait is torture most days. But, for now God is taking great care of you, and in the mean time, mommy, daddy and Little G are going to have some fun. We are so excited for the day it will be the four of us! We are ready!

Blessings, Kindra

While I'm Waiting...

Patiently I will wait, Lord...please mold my heart, oh God, to wait in such a way that brings glory and honor to your name. Amen.





Blessings, Kindra

Official August Update: Getting Closer

So...was very suprised to get the August updates today. Was totally expecting to have to wait until next week when our CM, K got back from Ethiopia, but what a blessing to see a message from her partner J in our inbox!

Our official August numbers:

Girl- 11

Boy- 5

Siblings- 7

We have heard stories of some amazing first meetings under the two trip policy and are getting ready to experience some long awaited homecomings from Hannah's Hope, our transitional home, this past week as well as this week coming up. We have heard some wonderful testimonies from travelling families and there is so much HOPE floating around! Babies coming home to their forever families also means empty cribs for new little beauties, so we are standing firm on the perfect timing of our Lord as we wait!

The case managers acknowlege that referrals have been a little slow, and really have no logical answers as to why, with the exception of the longer court proceedings and extended time to get those babies home. They are focused more than ever on getting babies home in a thorough, ethical manner, and keeping the Ethiopia program as healthy as possible through these changes. We really could not ask for a better agency. We are so thankful to be part of the AGCI family.

Thank you so much for your ongoing prayers for our agency, for Hannah's Hope, for all the families somewhere in the waiting process, but most importantly for all those orphans waiting on their forever families and the families that so courageously made that choice for them...to let them go so they could live. God bless each of them and hold them tightly.

We love you little one(s). We are coming, but until then, God sustains, protects, and loves us all.

Kindra

Psalm 139

He saw you before you were born. Everyday of your life is recorded in His book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. We love you, little one(s); our days together are coming...

Kindra

Mission trip, a family reunion, and the tree!

Wow- it has been a busy week!

We had the privilege of serving on a mission team to Cleveland, Ohio last week, serving Abundant Life Community Church. It was originally identified by Cleveland Hope, and our church has partnered with them each year since to provide support for a Vacation Bible School. It is a great family outreach. This year's team of 33 consisted of 11, yes 11!, kids as young as age 3. We always have a great time visiting and serving alongside our Cleveland family. They inspire us in so many ways. This summer, they have held numerous sports and theatre camps for the Cleveland area, and through those camps, this summer ALONE, have led over 200 kids to Christ! God is certainly working in and through them in big, big ways! Uniquely, many of the kids who made decisions for Christ were youth SERVING in the camp! How cool is that!!! Brandon and I cannot wait for the day when our little one(s) will be serving with the team as well!

We came home Friday evening late and turned around to head North to Iowa for a family reunion. It is always fun seeing the extended family for a non-funeral occasion! We had a beautiful day, and had some amazing food, fun and fellowship!

We proceeded home Monday to stormy weather, and ended up with a huge tree deciding to uproot in our backyard. Brandon was home, and said it sounded like a bomb going off. We are so thankful that it fell away from the house, otherwise, we were in for some serious damage to our pool, fence and home! Praise the Lord! We accept the lighting, sidewalk, and yard damage, thank

you very much!

No news on the baby front...still hanging unofficially at 6 boy and 8 for siblings. There has been little movement this month so far, but we know each day we draw closer to our little African love. We are certainly getting more anxious about preparations- it is a little overwhelming as we begin to consider the lists of things we need before travel! There are some crazy good spreadsheets being scattered among our blog friends, and we are grateful they are sharing! We need all the help we can get!

I was reading Psalm 7 and 8 (thanks to our new official numbers) They each end with important reminders for this journey:

I will thank the Lord because He is just; I will sing praise to the name of the Lord Most High! Psalm 7:17

O Lord, our Lord, the majesty of your Name fills the earth! Psalm 8:9

Blessings- Kindra

July Official Numbers

Well- another month has passed, and there was a teensy weensy bit of movement this month- PRAISE! Here they are:




Girl 17

Boy 7

Siblings 8

Please continue to lift our little one(s) up in prayer. Lift up their mother, their extended family, their health, their country, and the Lord that has certain watch on them day and night! We love you, little one(s). Mommy and Daddy think about you every minute, and our arms are ready for your special delivery.

Blessings! Kindra